Review of Diamond Dogs Slots
This ain’t rock ‘n’ roll, this is genocide! Finally we have been blessed with an online slot machine based on one of David Bowie’s most exciting albums of the 1970s and diehard fans like me couldn’t be happier! Wait…what? This release has nothing to do with Bowie’s album “Diamond Dogs“?!? Nooooo!! Who can I sue for false advertising and emotional distress?
Ok, maybe I didn’t really expect this to be based on the classic LP but the first time you see its name in a list of games your heart definitely skips a beat. Casino software companies have sometimes been known to produce titles based on the most ridiculous premises imaginable but one based on David Bowie actually makes a heck of a lot of sense. If not multiple releases for all of his best albums.
Instead of giving us something based on excellent experimental music, Diamond Dogs Slots offers a lighthearted romp on the red carpet with A-List canine celebrities who have shown up looking their best to dazzle the paparazzi. I personally think that the software designers used such humans as Jennifer Lopez, Paris Hilton, and Elvis Presley as inspiration for these characters but we’ll let you draw your own conclusions.
Anyway, I can’t believe that I’m going into a review about a cute little game with superstar dogs feeling disappointed and sad right off the bat. Let me go listen to a Bowie song and shake these feelings off…”Young Americans” should do it…
Ahhh – ok, I’m ready. Let’s go!
As you can see by clicking on the screenshots below, this machine is really starting to look old. Loyal readers of The Queen of Online Slots were probably waiting for one of our patented “long in the tooth” jokes but it’s just too easy with this one.
Seriously though, if you don’t like the look of these images you should probably stop reading this review right now and sniff around for something that’s a little fresher. (See, we have lots of terrible jokes to choose from!)
So this is quite the interesting storyline if we’re understanding it correctly because we’re going to have to make a few assumptions as to what the creators were going for. Basically NetEnt has transported us to a parallel universe where dogs not only share the human desire for the nicer things in life, but they also have the need for constant attention and affirmation – just like real life celebrities. It also appears as if they always have to look their best in public.
You can approach this machine from two different vantage points: either you’re one of the celebrity dogs rolling around in a glamorous world, or you’re a human who’s simply getting a glimpse into the dog-dominated universe. It really just comes down to your personal preference. Either way, you will see spoiled dogs who love their fashion designers more than their masters.
As you can imagine, all of the unique symbols on the reels are based on dogs dressed as rich celebrities and the beautiful things that they demand in life. Steak and champagne are on the menu, as is a gift-wrapped bone. All of the playing card symbols from the 10 to the Ace are printed on gold dog tags that are encrusted with diamonds and pearls. Who said a dog’s life isn’t glamorous?
- J (Jack)
- Q (Queen)
- K (King)
- A (Ace)
- Steak Dinner with Champagne
- VIP Fire Hydrant
- Bone with a Bow
- Vacation Dog House with Palm Tree
- Sexy Detective Dog with Camera (Bonus)
- Female Chihuahua with Mink Coat (Scatter)
- Top Dog with Jewelry (Wild)
You’ll want to be on the constant lookout for the Top Dog Wild because he is by far the best of the litter and if you hit 5 of a Kind you’ll win a whopping 10,000 coins. There is then a massive drop off in payouts with the Vacation Dog House coming in at 600 coins, and the VIP Fire Hydrant only paying 240 coins for five across the reels.
You can dig around in this game all day and you won’t find a Diamond Dogs Slots jackpot, so stop now because you’re just chasing your tail.
You’re going to be more camera-hungry than Lindsey Lohan after a night on the town because 3 or more of the creepy paparazzi symbol in a spin will trigger the special feature. It’s not the most intricate thing you’ll find in a dog-themed slot but it definitely helps to give your bankroll a little boost.
You have a big paparazzi camera that you can aim at 12 different dogs, all of whom are dressed extremely fashionably and run the range from “disco” to “punk rock” in appearance. As you click on the photos they will reveal coin prize amounts but make sure that you don’t step in “it” because a dirty paw print will end your bonus round and send you back to the regular mode with all of your winnings.
It seems like the special feature is easily triggered and you’ll probably find yourself on the red carpet more often than you’ll be receiving freerolls.
Speaking of that, the girls are definitely having more fun out on the town than the guys and are bringing some free spins with them to go with their bling. Regardless of how many Scatters drop on the reels you’ll always get a fixed 10 every time, however, the more you get the larger your win will be, so you definitely have a great opportunity to cash in when it’s triggered:
- 3 Scatters: 4 coins & 10 Spins
- 4 Scatters: 25 coins & 10 Spins
- 5 Scatter: 100 coins & 10 Spins
All of your payline wins during this mode will get a 3x multiplier applied to them so your balance can get pumped up big time. Might as well order another bottle to pop!
Sadly, due to this machine’s age there are no special surprises or backgrounds while you freeroll.
The graphics are all quite basic with very little animations on the reels except for when the dog that looks like Paris Hilton removes her sunglasses and gives you a coy wink as she’s used in a payline win. Also, the Top Dog Wild does a shimmy and a shake as he works his body in a convulsing dance move whenever he land on the board. The pick em’ round has a few moving pieces as polaroid photos of the dogs you select float onto the screen but that’s about it.
The background, outline, and payline indicators are actually pretty nice because they’re colorful and shiny, and they add a glamorous effect to the action. Also, the bonus area with the red carpet was designed quite well and it looks pretty snazzy.
Audio & Soundtrack
There is a new school funk track that plays throughout this game which is basically a loop of a “Bootsy Collinsesque” guitar with echo and flutter, accompanied by some synthesizers. Unfortunately, it’s on a 10 second loop so we never get to hear the track unfold. Similarly, in the bonus round there is a funky synth-heavy jam that constantly loops and doesn’t go anywhere. What we do hear is great so it’s definitely a shame that the song doesn’t play for longer.
There is a very loud synthesizer blast that accompanies every Scatter that falls on the reels, with the key changing for each one that drops. Most will find it pretty unnecessary but it’s surprisingly not that annoying. Also, the female dog on the Scatter lets out a squeal at the end of every spin she’s involved in. Other audios include a snorting sound when the Top Dog Wild drops and a camera shutter going off when the Slimy Bonus dog falls on the board.
Payline wins are accentuated with a nice synth riff and hip hop beat that changes depending on what symbols are involved in the win, and they break up the whirling sounds of the reels nicely. The main break sounds like it was lifted from P!nk’s smash hit, “Coming Up“…so you’d better get the party started…
Once you get over the disappointment of this release not being an homage to David Bowie it’s definitely possible to have a bit of fun. It is a cool storyline for players who love dogs but also like watching TMZ, Jersey Shore, or any other TV program based on celebrities and their comings and goings.
This game is going to be way too old for those who are looking for the latest and greatest online slots, but for anyone who enjoys mixing it up from time to time, you’ll want to give it a few bucks from your bankroll.
You don’t have to be friends with high-profile dogs like Spuds MacKenzie to like this release but it would sure help. So if you’re not into vintage looking machines that are low on special features, you’ll surely find Diamond Dogs a little ruff.
Bonus Video of Diamond Dogs
Well, everyone should know exactly how we’re going to end this review. Yup – the legend himself singing “Diamond Dogs” live in concert in 1975. Watch till the end if you want to see a cool interview snippet and some extra backstage material. Here is The King of All Music, David Bowie – enjoy!