Review of The Funky Seventies Slots
Anyone old enough to remember will tell you that the 1970s was a strange decade indeed. The “Flower Power” of the 1960s was dead and gone, and it was time to move on to more hedonistic pleasures such as leisure suits and discotheques. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have a soft spot for these days because they were definitely a helluva lot of fun!
I strongly believe that a casino software company is going to come along one day and release a fantastic slot based on the cheesiest decade of all time, but unfortunately NetEnt wasn’t the company and The Funky Seventies Slots is far from good. It’s kind of strange how bad this title is considering that they did a decent job with their sister game The Super Eighties Slots, and even though it’s really old now it’s still fun to play from time to time.
Anyway, even though The Funky ’70s is fun for a few minutes I think that ultimately the bad soundtrack, historically inaccurate symbols, and lack of any bonus features whatsoever will have players running for the exit of this dead disco.
Here are some of the more exciting images from the game and you’ll probably notice that there’s not much of a difference between them. This is because it’s basically one long spin-fest, and it’s exactly as exciting as it sounds. Yawn.
With crisis at the gas pumps, panic at the disco, and the premier of the Star Wars franchise, “The ‘Me’ Decade” certainly had it all. Social upheaval from the decade before continued with minority groups in the United States continuing their quest for civil rights, while President Richard Nixon was resigning in disgrace.
Wars across the globe flared as the spread of communism threatened the freedom of the first world and the industrial dominance of the West began to falter, getting beaten by Japan and their popular products like the Sony Walkman and Atari.
This game from NetEnt doesn’t dive into the geopolitical strife or complicated industrial economies of the 1970s, and instead focuses on images which they believe to be iconic to the decade.
The unique symbols in The Funky Seventies Slots are pretty disappointing to say the least. Of course there’s the obligatory disco ball and platform boots, but after that things get a little confusing.
First of all, it was 8-Track tapes that were popular in the 1970s, not cassettes, so why were they included in this game? Secondly, nobody had a home computer in those days and people only started to know what a “Commodore 64” was in the early ’80s.
I guess See-O-Matics were kind of popular in the ’70s but not so much so that they deserved their own image. It basically feels like the person who chose the symbols in this game wasn’t alive during the decade and just quickly searched online for random objects to include.
Anyway, let’s not be too hard on a game that’s celebrating the worst decade in history. Here’s everything that you can look forward to getting down to…
- J (Jack)
- Q (Queen)
- K (King)
- A (Ace)
- Party Mix Cassette
- Stars and Stripes Platform Boots
- See-O-Matic Viewfinder
- Disco Ball
- Boxy Home Computer
- Blue Dodge Challenger
- 70s Wild (Wild)
- Disco Diva (Scatter)
If you were alive in the 1970s then you know that it was all about “getting wild”, so it’s no shock that the best-paying symbol in this game is the ’70s Wild which pays 1,000 coins for 5 of a Kind. The Blue Dodge Challenger then screeches in with 400 coins for five in a spin, with the Home Computer, Disco Ball, and See-O-Matic dishing out 400, 250, and 250 coins respectively for 5 on a payline.
The 1970s were all about “me” and the greed of individuals within their greater society, so it doesn’t make sense that a game based on this decade would willfully hand out a big cash prize. The seventies may have been funky but they’re not going to be profitable this time around.
Most of you are going to be very disappointed to learn that there isn’t a bonus round in this game, and just imagine the possibilities! They could have had a Pick Em’ style game with leisure suits that revealed bonus amounts, or even a bonus wheel that resembled a mechanical gas pump that spun and stopped to give you a cash prize. Sadly, this game chose to give us nothing and we’ll just have to live with it.
There’s a small feature that occurs when multiple Wild symbols fall across every reel, and they will combine to form a Stacked Wild. It’s far from the best bonus ever offered in an online slot machine but it’s better than nothing.
It should be noted that the game gives your bankroll a tiny boost just by the reels themselves because there is an extra 4th row of symbols, which helps dish out the generous Return to Player (RTP) percentage of 96.5%. Burn baby burn!
If you’re looking for a big bag of disco biscuits you’ve come to the wrong club because The Funky Seventies Slots only hands out a meagre five free games if you hit 3 or more Scatter symbols in a spin. This is a darn shame because without a bonus round in the game there’s not much else to look forward to.
The only bump in this retro bathroom is that you’ll get a 2x multiplier on all of your wins during free spins mode. This definitely isn’t the glamorous life.
For a decade that’s known for its amazing fashion and colors, this slot does a terrible job of capturing the era and giving us the visual extravaganza that most of you will be expecting. The main design is dominated by a sickly shade of green that will have you thinking about that time you sashayed across the dance floor to rid yourself of your happy hour cocktails, (talk about Boogie Fever!). Although I do suppose that the color scheme in this slot is less offensive than most of the music that was played during these years.
There really aren’t any graphics to rate in Funky Seventies since there aren’t any bonus rounds, jackpot areas, or unique free games modes. So let’s just do what every teacher in the ’70s did and give them a passing grade so we never have to look at them again.
Audio & Soundtrack
Whoever created the soundtrack in the main game certainly gave it a decent effort with wah wah guitars, a funky bass line, and disco soul claps throughout. There’s even a competent horn section that blasts in from time to time to accentuate the decadence of the decade.
The beat slows down in free spins mode to give you a bit of a break from the high-energy tempo, but with only five free games in your purse how much of a break can you really get? The jam is more “Bee Gees” than “Barry White”, in case you were wondering.
Finally, the sound effects in Funky ’70s are more annoying than a dude with an open shirt and a cheesy moustache trying to pick you up at a bar, but at least he’d have the decency to buy you a drink. The noises in this game are clunky and invasive without a payoff, so make sure you know where that mute button is.
If you’re tired of exciting titles with action-packed bonus rounds, The Funky Seventies Slots is definitely for you. There is absolutely no danger of getting over-stimulated or encountering an intricate free spins mode or reel feature, basically making it the “rice pudding” of online slot games.
However, by definition it must fall into my category of “Palate Cleansing” games that are always good to throw a few dollars in when you just want to relax and not think too hard about what you’re playing. Of course, the novelty is going to disappear quicker than a medallion in a tuft of unkept chest hair. Where did it go!?!
So if you find yourself playing this game for longer than 30 minutes you might not be thinking straight – go get checked for Disco Fever!
Bonus Video of The Funky Seventies
Well let’s keep the party rolling with a “very heavy bass beat” and check out Dan Rather’s shocking investigation into the disco culture on an old episode of 60 Minutes. Enjoy!